He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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