What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
