i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Say something about gay babies.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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