the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
