I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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