I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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