I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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