sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
