enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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