omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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