Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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