First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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