I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
