im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
