hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
