weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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