he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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