You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
