whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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