All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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