rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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