Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
