brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm passing your future prison.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
