nut hugger
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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