census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
what day is it and did you see me today?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
