I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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