Buhtt sex?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
