i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
