She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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