Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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