I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Are we still banned from the library?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize