I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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