I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
