but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
