Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
