So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
