areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
