you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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