if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
either way he was missing a nipple.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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