I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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