I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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