I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
