1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
