wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
