My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
