im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
