she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
