I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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