Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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