I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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