I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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