If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
