He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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