yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
