I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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