OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
