After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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