He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
