apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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