He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
handjob tips. give me some.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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