You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
