I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
