Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
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i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
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We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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