We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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