Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
