I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
