Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
