K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
