halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I would ride that face into the sunset
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
