how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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