Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
