She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
