Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.