I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
