Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
