i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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