Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
where am i from again
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
