fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
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Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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